My own little tribute to Clement Clarke Moore’s famous poem ‘Twas the night before Christmas’ goes something like this:

‘Twas the week before Christmas and everyone was stressed

Running all through the house after the unexpected guest.

The cat was still hiding in the Christmas tree

Whilst mother was craving a long island iced tea

The dog was regretting the bauble it ate

And no cards were ready for the last posting date.

The presents un-bought were making father weep

with the scissors and celotape stuck together in a heap.

Brother and Sister still pretending to be good

And the puppy is eyeing up chocolate for pud

Grandma was thinking about Christmases past

While Grandpa was hoping the whiskey would last.

Shopkeepers are trying to stock all the orders

And kids torment their parents repeating carols on recorders.

Schools are performing this years festive plays

With teachers all rushing around in a daze.

The Christmas tree lights start to flicker and flash

While people have a little drink at the works Christmas bash.

Advent calendar doors hang open and empty

While farmers try hiring out that stubborn donkey.

Everyone tries to parade Christmas knitwear

Including the vicar leading service and prayer.

Hundreds of Santas’ have headaches from ringing

Lots of small bells, and from loud children singing.

The mince pies are steaming all covered in cream

And as parents sink into bed they all dream

Of the month after Christmas all quiet and peaceful

Before Easter approaches with pancakes and treacle.